He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
