I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
