Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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