so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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