You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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