I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
