ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
