The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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