This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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