Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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