He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
