I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
