I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I believe in your delicious
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
