Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
