I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
