tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
