Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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