Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
