When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
