guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
id be glad to
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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