One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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