Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
