If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was like eating out sand paper
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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