She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
