when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
