Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
