clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
