he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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