I just pynch a tree in the face
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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