bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
