Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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