My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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