Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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