I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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