i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
