youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
