Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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