wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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