I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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