I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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