she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
