So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
