you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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