i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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