i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
