Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
