sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
