Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
