I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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