Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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