So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
